The following is a quote from 'Lament for a Son' written by Nicholas Wolterstorff. His 25 year-old son Eric was killed in a mountaineering accident in the Alps.
"Let me try again. All these things I recognise. I remember delighting in them; trees, art, house, music, pink morning sky, work well done, flowers, books. I still delight in them. I’m still grateful. But the zest is gone. The passion is cooled, the striving quieted, the longing stilled. My attachment is loosened. No longer do I set my heart on them. I can do without them. They don’t matter. Instead of rowing, I float. The joy that comes my way I savour. But the seeking, the clutching, the aiming, is gone. I don’t suppose anyone on the outside notices. I go through my paces. What the world gives, I still accept. But what it promises, I no longer reach for”.
From our own experience and reading others’ experiences we have learnt that trauma changes who you are. This is not necessarily a negative thing, but a reflection of the reality of how trauma and grief affects us.
I remember saying to someone this past summer that I don’t walk around my garden like I used to. I don’t seem to get the same buzz, enjoyment and thrill that I did. ‘The passion is cooled’. As the months roll on the joy I once had is very slowly returning but that joy will never be the same because the ‘longing is stilled’.
My heart has changed. My outlook has altered. I’m more concerned about life and eternity. After all God has set eternity in our hearts. Ecclesiastes 3:11. But so often the busyness and clutter of this world can cloud what is really important in life.
A bit like Wolterstorff, I now ‘float instead of rowing’. Floating is actually a good thing. When we float we see more, we value the time and people around us. We stop striving for things that are here today and gone tomorrow. Constantly rowing means we can miss so much in life.
James 4:14 “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes”.
Psalm 39:4-6 “Lord, make me to know my end, And what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am. Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, And my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapour. SelahSurely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely they busy themselves in vain; He heaps up riches, And does not know who will gather them”.
Facing trauma and difficult challenges can help us to value the things that are truly important. Do I enjoy the sunsets? Do I enjoy the autumn colours? I do, but not in the way I once did - for the moment. Now they point beyond, to something even more wonderful, the new creation which is to come.
A New Year is on the horizon and no-one but God knows what it will hold. For us, ’Happy New Year’ is clouded by the accident of April 2022. We are so thankful that we have Nathanael with us to start another year but things are not the same. Like Nicholas ‘my attachment is loosened’. We are learning to live with what some call ‘a new normal’. That’s for another blog…
We are all just passing through this world. Jesus passed through and He wasn’t attached to the things of this world. His focus was the cross and what it would accomplish. Did He have joy? absolutely He did. Did He have purpose? Oh yes. Was He passionate? For people and for His Father’s glory, most certainly.
Can we enjoy this life and the things of this world and have our eyes set on Jesus?
Colossians 3:1-4 “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”
This world promises much and gives little. But what Christ promises is worth having because of its eternal value.
Another new year will be difficult for many, including me, but as I enter a new year, I must make the effort to spend more time with God in prayer and be in His Word each day. To treasure those in my life and spend precious time with them.
Can I do those things whilst floating? I think so, but maybe I’ll need to get hold of the oars to row occasionally as God enables and allows.
Take time today to read and reflect on what Jesus said to His disciples in Luke 12:22-31. He mentions the word ‘anxious’ three times. He knows we are all prone to be anxious, to worry, to strive, to row. He finishes the passage by encouraging His disciples and us to ‘seek’, to seek after His Kingdom and then everything else that we need for this life will follow.
Prayer - Lord help us to seek You more in 2024. Help us to set our minds on things eternal and to align our priorities with Your word. Work in us and through us to change us, and help us to help others this new year. Amen.
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